Man, my BFF

Just because I am a feminist in many ways doesn’t mean I have no male friends. In fact some of my best buds are of the opposite sex. I have always been a keen admire of ‘man’ because I strongly believe that they are more confused in life than us women. I initially planned on writing this post picking out my best male friends but I can’t do that I would clearly offend so many. And you know how men are they get carried away so easy...Oi, I am not your friend or what?’ So instead I have decided to analysis the quote of Oscar Wilde who famously said ‘‘Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.’’


Seriously, no friendship? I know there would be a clear cut majority who would say, Aye, Oscar Wilde is spot on and the other half who would argue otherwise. And there are some fence-sitters, like me, who would say well there could be exceptions about certain male friends. I mean, it would be quite weird if you kissed your best friend, wouldn’t it? Unless you were drunk, of course. But there’s nothing wrong if your 4am friend is a male.

Men are a creation of God that women loathe and the reasons for it are endless and repeating it here is useless so I am just going to jump the gun and get on with it, ok! I know of a good friend who is in a relationship with a girl he met during his college days and they have been seeing each other since. But he and I have been friend’s way before the ‘girl’ came into his life. She is easily irritated if I am around, feeling of insecurity, I’d say. But why? Can’t you see that he loves you; he gets roses for you, makes dinner reservations for you, and spends his money shopping for you. Don’t get me started about Valentine’s Day..! I see no harm in a male-female bonding as ‘FRIENDS’ as long as everybody’s on the same page, opposite sex friends can be fantastic for a couple.

If a boyfriend/husband/partner play tennis, have a drink, watch a movie or play ping-pong on weekends or any other day of the week, he need not be a candidate for incipient infidelity. Only those who suspect that every friendship between a man and woman has sexual intercourse as its natural goal will label every friendship as adultery of intent. The line between tolerable friendships can be recognised not by rules but by imaginative discernment.

I can hear my female friends waiting to kill me half way through the post...but hang on ladies, I am not glorifying affairs, and one night stands et all. All I am saying is that an unadulterated friendship can exist between a man and a woman. Clearly, there are those who take advantage but it is up to us women too, to be smart, astute and clear in the head that ‘This MAN is NOT for ME. Nothing but a Friend’ and if you can’t separate the emotion of you falling for your male friends just don’t put up the whole ‘Oh, I can’t have him so I’ll stay friends with him....’ Bollocks, I say! You either get what you want or you just move. Giving him the tag of ‘friend’ is doing no good to you. Find yourself a man who wants you too and will contribute the same energy into making something work. And you know how men are they need to be told and taught everything. Twats!

But then if you have to remain friends remember to play it smart, very smart. I haven’t cracked the code but read on this could be helpful. Not to be preachy but we woman get excited too easily and then end up with someone who can’t be exciting anymore not only in bed but the whole relation just fades out. We are afraid to use the three magic words; no it not ‘Please fuck me’ but ‘Thank You, Please and Sorry’. Both men and woman need to learn to recover their ways of doing things that keeps the excitement going. The recovery of errors is also a recovery of play an important dimension of friendship. The recovery of play is an invitation to friendship. Playfulness means the devaluation of control. Play involves the capacity to trust and to surrender to the moment. So also with friendship. Friendship has no achievement agenda, no task orientation. Of course, friends often do things together. They embark on common task and tackle common agendas. They stand side by side facing something to be done.

A man’s heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant. And in these vacant rooms, the man treasures his other ‘best’ ‘female’ ‘friend(s)’ who give him the space to let him be him, listen to him, question him, laugh at jokes, play silly mind games and just have a good old time. Is this a crime? Oscar Wilde would say Yes, tons of women who don’t like their boyfriends talking to other women would say yes; Women who are insecure would scream and even send a death threat along with hating. But, pause... and reflect.

Men are easily fooled, no matter how smart otherwise. But true friendship with a man isn’t always with both of them ending in bed; well they could sit on it and talk or play Uno! And it’s for the woman in his heart to realise; it’s time to play Uno, No. But to accept that there is always that one person he has to talk to and feel content, there is always that one person who gives him a knock on the head and says Come on now don’t be a twat.!, there is always that person who stands beside him like a rock in case you can’t put up with his nonsense. Men marry their Barbie Dolls and even though these Dolls are perfect with everything on the checklist, it isn’t enough..!

Hence, the friendship between a man a woman is often letting go of the need to prove one’s usefulness. It means valuing the presence of each other just for their owns sake. It is enough just to be with. That is playful, and that is gracious. The recovery of errors and its playfulness means the recovery of pleasure. Friendship both depends and thrives on it.

I know that most of my female friends would disagree and say a man has to be faithful and if he has to share something, let him share it with me I am the one who is in a relationship with, isn’t he? Yes, indeed. But always bear in mind we need our mediators to make us ready to get what we want and usually it’s the ‘best friend’ who will make your man ready to face you about things you are not comfortable about.

I am not defending the ‘MAN’ but I am educating the ‘WOMAN’ arise from your slumber and old school thoughts, it’s the new media age, enjoy a little healthy competition and if need be watch and learn. Your man is your man and his best friend is his to keep. And if all live by thinking from the right side of our brain, the world would be a happier place to live. Oscar Wilde, I have no intentions to prove you wrong but then I guess Impossible is nothing and there can be ‘FRIENDSHIP’ between men and women.

To my 3 favourite men in Bombay: Moulin, Sherwin n Rohan be good and play safe. See you lads in England soon ;)