I could do with a HUG!

"We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth..." Virginia Satir

Stop. Put down that cup of tea. Drop that busy business person facade. Before you read any further, watch this video. Turn up your speaker. Loud. I’ll wait. In fact, I’ll watch it again with you. 

A tall young man named Juan Mann (pronounced “one man, “of course) takes to the streets with a simple white sign that says “Free Hugs.” People pass him by. They like me (whilst watching the video) look at him trying to figure out his deal – what’s he up to? Is he unbalanced? Is this a joke? What’s the story? And so it goes - in black and white – until a small, old bent woman stops for a hug. To reach down to her height. Tall Juan gets on his knees for the embrace. The black and white film blossoms into colour. People begin walking towards him instead of away, for a series of wonderful, joyful encounters - unexpected connection. Free exuberant hugs, hugs just for the sake of reaching out to another human being to connect. 

I am a hugger, and I’ll be honest and say I don’t offer them freely because I tend to read the person’s body language and many a times I end up pulling back. I for one don’t believe in throwing hugs and kisses away for free. But after watching Juan’s effort I can relate and believe that we all need a hug to feel loved, cared and simply happy. My American friend Lisa visited me in Bombay and she is always with open arms ready to hug absolutely anything. This was strange for me at times, I was curious and asked her “Why do you go hugging people?” her answer, “I am American I hug everything”. I didn’t know what to make of her politically correct statement. My sister Carolyn has the warmest hug and i miss her and her hugs dearly. She knows how to calm me down, if I am having a rough day or even when having fun. One wrap of the arms around me and I feel her warm energy ignite my weakness. It is joyous. It gives me hope. It lowers my blood pressure.

One of the best examples is airports, train stations or any place where people say goodbye for a long journey. Standing there in the arrivals terminal, watching other passengers meeting their waiting friends and family, with open arms and smiling faces, hugging and laughing together. I recently made a trip back home to Bombay, India and felt this exact emotion when I hugged my sister and dad, it’s an amazing rush of emotions and one can’t really put it in words. But when I arrived at Newcastle International Airport back from my holidays, there was no one at the arrival terminal, no one to hug or no one to feel happy to see me. But there were tons of other people who were eagerly waiting to hug, kiss and laugh together with their own family and friends this made me sad and happy at the same time.  Just a hug, just a smile, just a simple ‘welcome back’.

Jacques Prévert has written, “Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you.”  It feels as if we have lost some vital part of ourselves in a dense primordial forest of political correctness, awkward avoidance of other humans for fear of misunderstanding or offense, or the potential of sexual harassment charges, that siren song of “appropriate behaviour.” Why is a hug so fearful, I wonder? Is it that we have given up our need or our capacity for direct engagement? What fear drives our disconnect from one another?

 And what does free really mean? It means without condition, without expectation, freely given without cause or even without a determination of worthiness, without need or ulterior motive—how often do I really give freely? Are my gifts, instead, some odd expression of power or need on my own part?

The reason Juan Mann moved me so, I think, was that the free hugs were, in fact and in total, free. Give free hugs. At least four a day to survive. Aim for twelve. I have decided to make this a habit and offer a friendly hug to all my dear ones. These random acts of kindness, a selfless act performed by a person for the sole reason of making others feel better. So, the next time I bump into you a warm hug awaits you. 

Stop looking for your voice. Instead, start figuring out what you have to say.