The Mojo is ME

In today's world everything you wear, everything you own or would like to own is branded. Each gives an own individual identity.

Peter Montoya and Tim Vandehey’s ‘The Brand Called You’ highlights the need for ‘Personal Branding’ (PB) and its benefits’ for anyone who is searching for success and beyond. According to them, PB is the tool that takes ones skills, personality and unique characteristics and packages them into a powerful identity that lifts you above the crowd of anonymous competitors. They go on to elucidate that ‘Personal Branding’ lets you control how other people perceive you. In essence, you are influencing what others think of you. You’re telling them what you stand for – but in a way that is so organic and unobtrusive that they think they have developed the perception all by themselves. That’s the beauty of ‘Personal Branding’: It’s YOUR ‘powerful Mojo’.

Tom Peters – often referred to as the father of PB due to his 1997 article ‘The brand called you’ – has changed the common perception of self presentation. Peters has been a forerunner for the need of ‘iBrand’, pointing out the subtle power it provides. If we aren’t branding ourselves rest assure someone else is and that could be a dicey way of how other people think about you. Hence, you are your business. Period.

I also couldn’t put down Peter’s book ‘Brand You: Build Your Legacy’ because it clearly draws the map of success, and I believe that if we plan to achieve anything in today’s world, the right image and style needs to be packaged well with the powerful, clear and positive ideas is what people should be triggered by while thinking about YOU. He explains how to build our legacy each day and to achieve, in whatever measure something that would ‘satisfy us, wow us’. And that we need to learn from our share of crapy days too, it’s all a process of powerful emotions which influence branding.

But even before Peters it was Roger Alies, an American businessman, President of Fox News Channel, chairman of the Fox Television Station Group and Spin Doctor for three US Presidents (Regan, Nixon, and Bush Sr.) who constructed an outlook that even today creates a mental picture when you hear their names. ‘How to Make a Good Impression’ (1989) is the bible for those who want to learn the impact of a positive first impression. You must own this masterpiece. One quote says: ‘Amp-up your attitude’. It’s a powerful statement which gives you another reason to believe why Personal Branding is not just the latest vogue but has always been the need of the hour. Your brand is in your hands. You can mould it; shape it in any way you think will offer you visibility.

My father always told me that it is not that intelligent people do something different; it’s just that they do things differently. To survive the cut-throat competition one should be smart enough to be able to distinguish themselves from the other smarties. Right from school it was ingrained in us that "It is not necessary to be perfect in whatever you do but to excel in whatever you take up." They always asked us to introspect and realize what YOU are good at and then make it your strength and hence you’re USP. Your USP is something that will take you places in this highly competitive world is what they always said.

The need to differentiate yourself from the crowd has become paramount in the search for professional glory. Dr.Seamus Phan emphasis in his writing for branding, ‘DotZen’, “...the core of branding, beyond telling truth, is to be true to yourself.” I couldn’t agree more. Once you know where your strengths lay working on your weaknesses becomes easier and you have a more focused target to achieve which is a process of branding.

To sum this post, “If you’re not appearing, you’re disappearing”, said legendary jazz musician, Art Blakey. Absolutely true. No matter what your “thing” is – student, marketing exec., or English Literature professor, whatever! – Standing on the merits of your great work alone is not (usually) enough. People have got to know about you and your great work. They have got to meet you, see you. If you want people to talk about the wonderful things you do, then you must give them the opportunity to experience YOU. Bottom line: Amp-up your attitude. Be yourself.

Natasha

Life of a Vagabond

I struggle to define myself. Am I a vagabond? An unemployed 20-something with no future? Will the job come my way? When?

The last 13 months of my life have been spent studying for my Masters Degree in Media Studies and wandering to find a direction to life. The economic situation hasn’t been helpful to most of us.

After handing in my dissertation, like many of my peers I had no real clue as to what to do with my life. I did what anyone with an insatiable travel bug would do and took off to anywhere i got invited to stay for free. With limited cash in the pocket i can contribute only towards grocery and cheap fare travel.  An exotic destination wasn’t really a budget i could manage right now.

These destinations have been quickly turning into a mundane daily rhythm that is full of obstacles, frustrations and existential questions. At the end of my free imposing stay with friends, the travel-bug and existential questions were still there. I have no choice but to keep travelling wherever goodwill people are ready to have me.Life lessons are the most important thing we can bring back with us from our travels.

Some people made me feel like I needed to define a goal for myself, so that all this travelling and wandering would lead to something concrete. In trying to quell their concerns, I realized that I really didn’t have an answer about my goals.

And then some give their five cent by telling me how part time jobs should be my look out for now. Learn to fry chips, serve a burger and wipe tables. I have nothing against the people who do these jobs and I have this as a last option.

Three stops, several undeveloped thoughts about the future and one minor brain freeze later, I’ve learned that what I was doing all of this time was defining myself as a human being; in finding my niche as an individual and I was learning how I wanted to live. Too much pressure from Dad to get a job is making the mind a confused paradise. I know he wants me to get a job and settle in but the rush he is in is an uncomfortable pace for me.

Now, as I try to establish a normal routine, I hold onto lessons from the road. They are my support system, reminding me of whom I am and where I have been.

Here are 4 of the most important life lessons I learned while travelling.

 1. Focus on the “now”

When the path ahead of us is unclear, it’s easy to question what we are doing with our lives.  Society teaches us that we should go to school and get on a career path.

But some of us want some time off in between school and careers. Yes, we all want great jobs where we feel good about the work we do, but some of us want to postpone, and in some cases escape, the 9-5 lifestyle.

For those of us destined to walk down this path, it’s inevitable that others will ask questions:

§  “So what exactly are you doing on this trip?”

§  “What do you expect to do when you get back?”

§  “Don’t you have a five year plan?”

These are all questions that you do not need to have an answer to – remember that it’s OK to just travel for the sake of travel. And to make plans as long as you can fall back on them. There is a wise saying “Only Fools rush in” don’t be in a haste but plan well.

There is plenty of time in life to follow schedules and make five year plans, but travelling is about taking a breather from high intensity, stressful society and relearning how to focus on the present. This teaches you to deal with life on a day to day basis.

2. Embrace the ordinary

Being open to possibility is the only thing that allows us to move forward. Often we find that the reality of travel is very different from our dreams. Yet without those illusions about the travelling lifestyle, we may never have had the courage to hit the road in the first place.

Talk to anyone who has studied, travelled or worked abroad and they will tell you about the difference between glamorous expectations and normal everyday routines.

Travelling is about breaking out of our own personal boundaries.

When we travel for extended periods of time we see that not everything is as exotic first thought. Television ads in a foreign country may seem weird as long as we hear them in that foreign language, but as soon as we get a sense of the language, the ads seem as absurd as anything at home.

Long-term travel is not about constantly seeking the extraordinary, but coming to terms with the ordinary itself. It’s about learning to appreciate the simpler moments that everyday life offers.

3. Push your comfort levels

Travelling is about breaking out of our own personal boundaries. No matter the length of time, be it one week or a whole year, just being in a new place forces us to push ourselves.

We are obliged to memorize a string of strange sounding words just to order a simple coffee, master new public transportation systems, learn how to use unfamiliar toilets and ask for directions by way of body language, pictures and the common language of laughter.

In new places we want to be able to handle the situation, and so we force ourselves to learn.

While on the Vagabond mode living with different people also allows you to pick habits which can be beneficial for one and get along with people you may never again meet in your lifetime. Also being open to the advice you get along the way is something one must pick with a humble heart. It’s useful for the long run of life.

4. Stay flexible

If travel teaches us anything at all, it’s that an itinerary can change at the drop of a hat. Buses break down, hurricanes roll in and travellers get sick.

Being a good traveller means always having a backup plan or being ready to think of one. My difficulty with the five year plan was because I am always ready to do something different. And i am not a routine person i like to go with the flow, i like being spontaneous.

In our travels we can never predict the future and the same holds true for our “regular” lives back at home. Staying flexible allows us to achieve what we truly believe in even if that means sailing off course. It allows us to push our boundaries and move beyond what we, and others, think is possible.

5. Pray

Its very important to stay in touch with the Almighty and know his will. And pray is a powerful tool which allows us to stay in level with the God. And while on the road and living life off the suit case his love always gives us strength. As we travel he takes care as we meet strangers who go out of their way to show you directions, some will share some of their change as well, help you with your heavy luggage and strike a friendly conversation. Always meditate and pray it always HELPS! 

You want something. Go for it. Period.

July!  July!!! And not a single post! Damn!! The world cup did put me in a coma. Spain winning it. Did they play the ‘best football’? i don’t think so but then i am no Gary Lineker. England underperformed and crashed another chance which looked ever so bright and they were tipped off to “do it” this time. Do what exactly that no one knows although everyone transformed themselves as football pundits who could solve any footie related issue. But the gaga will go on, thank God for EPL and more importantly Manchester United the others are just mere footnotes. Another season waits with the thrills and upsets; I want more thrills though, please!!!

Well, life takes all its twists and turns and pauses which permits you time to think and react. I for one am in that exact mode. I don’t know what to expect and when situations come my way I deal with them one at a time, that’s how I roll. On August 10, I shall turn 25 years old. A jubilee birth year, 2010, it’s also my favourite number the first double digits also the first to the triple digits and so on. You always start with a perfect “10”. I want to be a perfect 10, i want to be the first, I want to get on top of the heap, I want to be the better from my best, I want to be the first me.

Looking for employment in these tough times isn’t easy and job hunting seems like a full time occupation itself. Met with disappointments and one job interviewer said “Your too over qualified”. Some said they’ll get back, some said stay in touch, some said...nothing! But I haven’t given up. There has to be a job out there somewhere which suits you and has a calling. I feel such a vibe too and most of the times when I get a vibe I know something good is in store. I hope this good feeling vibe transcends into a dream opportunity.

Remember to keep yourself updated, socially active (i mean Social Networking tools Twitter, Facebook et all), well read, touch of humour and all your skills polished. You have to learn to sell yourself in the right light and grab the opportunity that knocks with a firm hand. You are your Mojo and you need to market your Mojo in a way that it makes an impression onto the mind and difficult to forget almost a photogenic one. Don’t go over the top but very classy and intelligently. Remember to do it “differently” that’s the smart approach. It’s not rocket science but it isn’t all easy either.

Don’t let failure discourage you because it’s all part of the script. Easier said than done but give it more than just one try. It’s all worth the effort. I am currently doing my Dissertation and at the same time looking for opportunities all over God’s green earth. Do you believe in God? Please do. Because when all are human efforts fail he is making his own beautiful plan for us. He works in mysterious ways we cannot see and makes it all right at the end. I don’t mean to get all preachy but the lord knows what we want. And all I want for my 25^th birthday would be a successful job opportunity to come my way. It would be a perfect gift.

So, don’t give up and don’t think it’s the end of the world if you get 10 “NOs” or even a 100, keeping pushing to get what you want. Because when you want something hard enough it eventually happens to you.

Good Luck in everything you do!

Be Awesome. Peace.

Its football time, Ladies!!!!

The World Cup is nearly here. So before the big kickoff arrives I just wanted to share things that are rattling around my head. Mostly I'm thinking about making sure to enjoy the World Cup, my first in the land that has undoubtedly the best football fans of the world. I am going to head to the pubs and enjoy the atmosphere and sing till my vocal cords go bust. Come on England...!

And although it’s an all man sport event, football is the sport I live for. 90 minutes of pure skills and yes clammy men who make sweat look gorgeous. Apart from the fact that the sport offers fit men, six packs, hunkyness galore...some women also watch it for the offside, dives, dribbles, defending, that naked guy who would make a run on the pitch and also guessing which team colour the ref is actually wearing. Yes, some of us women take our football seriously. Kapish.

I have a personal hatred towards men and their penis size brain which makes them think no end of themselves. No, i don’t swing the other way. But these silly Facebook groups and nonsense putting out of rules for WAGs is pure and utter garbage and sexists too. I mean WTF..!

On the flip side, there’s a segment of women that truly love the gridiron, and the experience that comes with it. They know the game, understand the communal aspect, organize watch parties, wear jerseys, and will sit right up and debate the average football fan. In some cases, there are some ladies who know more about the game than some dudes who run around and masquerade as preaching the football gospel, and since we’re all about equal opportunity this piece here is all about women who love the game.

Believe me when I say this: there are more women who love football than you men have been led to believe. They’re not behind some glass-panelled, bullet-proof partition at your local museum either. They really do exist; I’ve been fortunate enough to come across several of them. On top of that, these women know their stuff! If its Zena Costa the only women football writer in India’s football loving Goa, to my younger sisters who may not know the nitty-gritty but wear their team colours and cheer their team to me a totally football junkie. And tons of other pretty lassies out there.

It isn’t just limited to cyberspace, either. When kickoff is approaching, calls and texts come in from home girls, blog buddies, and other female acquaintances, and it isn’t like how you boys want lemon pepper or medium hot wings or if you’ve remembered to set your fantasy line-ups; there are some who are just as ready as men are to get to the stadium on game day, so we can tailgate, eat good, talk shit to the opposing teams’ fans, and just have fun. There are some who get utterly disgusted by hearing their phone ring, during any part of the game, just like men do. Yes indeed; there are women out there who are so into the game, that they don’t wanna be bothered by anyone, whatsoever...unless the person calling is watching the game (or another game that has implications) as well.

Also, there are women who have to deal with men who don’t understand their fascination with football. There could be a variety of reasons for this, but the ones that immediately come to mind are either (a) he likes the game too, but he’s intimidated by the fact that you know more than he does, or (b) he doesn’t like football, and if that’s the case, RUN IMMEDIATELY. It’s easier for a man to distance himself from a woman on game day if she doesn’t like football, but I can’t imagine (and don’t even wanna begin to) what a woman has to deal with when being with a dude who doesn’t understand or respect the fact that she’s into the game. All I can say about that is I hope your relationship, interaction, or whatever it is y’all call yourselves doing is strong, because if it ain't, run away from dude. The World Cup season is too short to be dealing with someone who doesn’t get it. Just run, and run fast.

So for the women who love the game wear your colours and enjoy this World Cup. I will be sporting the three lions on me and singing Vindaloooooooooooooooooooo....England!!!  

Be easy.

I could do with a HUG!

"We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth..." Virginia Satir

Stop. Put down that cup of tea. Drop that busy business person facade. Before you read any further, watch this video. Turn up your speaker. Loud. I’ll wait. In fact, I’ll watch it again with you. 

A tall young man named Juan Mann (pronounced “one man, “of course) takes to the streets with a simple white sign that says “Free Hugs.” People pass him by. They like me (whilst watching the video) look at him trying to figure out his deal – what’s he up to? Is he unbalanced? Is this a joke? What’s the story? And so it goes - in black and white – until a small, old bent woman stops for a hug. To reach down to her height. Tall Juan gets on his knees for the embrace. The black and white film blossoms into colour. People begin walking towards him instead of away, for a series of wonderful, joyful encounters - unexpected connection. Free exuberant hugs, hugs just for the sake of reaching out to another human being to connect. 

I am a hugger, and I’ll be honest and say I don’t offer them freely because I tend to read the person’s body language and many a times I end up pulling back. I for one don’t believe in throwing hugs and kisses away for free. But after watching Juan’s effort I can relate and believe that we all need a hug to feel loved, cared and simply happy. My American friend Lisa visited me in Bombay and she is always with open arms ready to hug absolutely anything. This was strange for me at times, I was curious and asked her “Why do you go hugging people?” her answer, “I am American I hug everything”. I didn’t know what to make of her politically correct statement. My sister Carolyn has the warmest hug and i miss her and her hugs dearly. She knows how to calm me down, if I am having a rough day or even when having fun. One wrap of the arms around me and I feel her warm energy ignite my weakness. It is joyous. It gives me hope. It lowers my blood pressure.

One of the best examples is airports, train stations or any place where people say goodbye for a long journey. Standing there in the arrivals terminal, watching other passengers meeting their waiting friends and family, with open arms and smiling faces, hugging and laughing together. I recently made a trip back home to Bombay, India and felt this exact emotion when I hugged my sister and dad, it’s an amazing rush of emotions and one can’t really put it in words. But when I arrived at Newcastle International Airport back from my holidays, there was no one at the arrival terminal, no one to hug or no one to feel happy to see me. But there were tons of other people who were eagerly waiting to hug, kiss and laugh together with their own family and friends this made me sad and happy at the same time.  Just a hug, just a smile, just a simple ‘welcome back’.

Jacques Prévert has written, “Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you.”  It feels as if we have lost some vital part of ourselves in a dense primordial forest of political correctness, awkward avoidance of other humans for fear of misunderstanding or offense, or the potential of sexual harassment charges, that siren song of “appropriate behaviour.” Why is a hug so fearful, I wonder? Is it that we have given up our need or our capacity for direct engagement? What fear drives our disconnect from one another?

 And what does free really mean? It means without condition, without expectation, freely given without cause or even without a determination of worthiness, without need or ulterior motive—how often do I really give freely? Are my gifts, instead, some odd expression of power or need on my own part?

The reason Juan Mann moved me so, I think, was that the free hugs were, in fact and in total, free. Give free hugs. At least four a day to survive. Aim for twelve. I have decided to make this a habit and offer a friendly hug to all my dear ones. These random acts of kindness, a selfless act performed by a person for the sole reason of making others feel better. So, the next time I bump into you a warm hug awaits you. 

Stop looking for your voice. Instead, start figuring out what you have to say.

KISS = STD and some interesting Facts..!

Ok, firstly, i don’t want you thinking that i am some freak trying to educated people about kissing or anything that comes along with it. I write about what i feel i should and yes, i spend enough time reading about the topic and getting my facts right, i don’t bluff.

Besides, we live in an age of extreme sexual tension, we have extreme fantasy and some may even be lucky to fulfil the ‘Things to do before i Die’ list. And some of us just die anyway. But the latest death trends have been through STDs and HIV-AIDS, all because the awareness is too little. And it all begins with a KISS.

My previous post was about that perfect pair of lips going to work with the one who brings out the best in you. Although some are out there wasting and throwing their kisses those are the ones we all need to be careful of.

Gonorrhea is a STD. It is also called clap. Bacteria spread gonorrhea. Most of us believe that kissing is very harmless. But kissing can cause Gonorrhea. Let me tell you more.

Gonorrhea - the affected areas
Gonorrhea bacteria affect most of the places in the body with mucous membrane. That includes the genitals, the anus and rectum, throat, and possibly eyes. The bacteria pass from secretions of any of the affected areas. Once your mucous membrane comes in contact with secretions of an infected person, you may contact Gonorrhea. Any sexual activity will transfer the bacteria. If the bacterium has invaded the throat of the infected person, a kiss will transfer it. If such a person performs oral sex on you, you will get Gonorrhea.

Gonorrhea complications-
Gonorrhea is a disease, which is better avoided. If it is left untreated, it can cause infertility in both men and women. In men it may even close the urethra , infect the testicles and create other complications, In women it may infect the fallopian tubes and may cause PID- Pelvic Inflammatory Disease which then leads to Cervical Cancer.

Gonorrhea - the early symptoms
Yellowish discharge from the penis or vagina, painful passing of stools, burning sensation in the genitals are some of the common symptoms of Gonorrhea.

 I have written this post only for informative purposes. This article is not intended to be a medical advice and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult your doctor for your medical concerns. I am no expert but one must read about it on the internet under reliable sources and please don’t take this as a be all and end all of the STD. This is just my research i thought it must be shared.

But all is not Gloom...KISS, some interesting Facts..!

•  It is a matter of record that Canadian porcupines kiss one another on the lips.
• The world's longest kiss took place on January 28, 2002. Louisa Almodovar and Rich Langly of New Jersey kissed for a record 30 hours, 59 minutes and 27 seconds on a segment of "Ricki Lake"
• Matrimonial pollsters' studies prove that a man who kisses his wife good-bye when he leaves for work every morning averages a higher income than does the fellow who doesn't do that thing.
•  In medieval Italy kisses weren't taken, or given, lightly. If a man and a woman were seen embracing in public they could be forced to marry!
•  Our brains have special neurons that help us locate each other’s lips in the dark. (It's really true too! I've tried it!)
•  It is estimated that the average person will spend about 20,160 minutes kissing in their lifetime.
• You burn 26 calories in a 1 minute kiss.
• The first kiss ever shown in a movie was in 1896. The movie was called The Kiss.
• Hershey's Kisses got their name because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
• 50% of all people kiss before they turn 14. Kissing helps reduce tooth decay. Kissing increases the mouth's production of saliva, and saliva helps clean the mouth thus aides prevention of tooth decay.

PS: Happy Kissing. But handle them with care. Stay healthy.

It’s all in the Kiss..!

Most everyone loves a good, knee-buckling kiss. Lips lock, tongues are exploring, tasting, testing, circling, and arousing the very sensitive lips and inner mouth. It’s part of loving and simple magic and quite frankly, I don’t think there is anything that could be half as good – than a pucker on the lips.

The question may arise as to where kissing began? When did it become part of our life? For sure, caveman didn’t take time to plant a smooch on cavewoman. He just dragged her by the hair, bent her over a boulder, sniffed her butt and pillowed! No foreplay; at least not in the sense in which we define foreplay today. Perhaps that hair drag and butt sniffing routine was all the rage back then.

But where did it begin? Do we even know? Scientists link kissing back to ancient times when mothers chewed food to soften it for their children. This piece of information doesn’t work for me. More scientists believe that kissing is linked to suckling which every baby born must first do to survive. This one might work for the men.

Anthropologists have unearthed information that as early as 2000 B.C. various cultures thought that touching mouths together meant the joining of two souls. Now this sounds more likely to appeal to women. In addition, although the first recorded erotic kiss was shown to be in 1500 B.C. in India, the French were and are still given credit for the tongue tango we commonly refer to today as the French kiss. Its original name was the Maraichinage, or prolonged kiss.

There’s a great deal of information in the Kama Sutra about kissing, types of kisses, and how the Lat countries incorporated kissing on the thighs which the Chinese found just plain wrong! I’m assuming that the Lat countries are the Latin countries because I just can’t think of anyone else besides a hot-blooded Latin male who might venture down that garden path! But I digress.

University of Albany study conducted showed that there are significant differences between the sexes in the use of kissing. It states that men kiss as a means to an end; to get what they want (sex) or to say “I’m sorry” (which is still a means to an end for them).On the other hand, women use kissing to test and monitor where the relationship is going, and to get little updates on the current status of that relationship. My guess is if the kiss isn’t what it should be, the women get suspicious! All this is well and good, but what exactly happens physically that makes us all gaga over a good kiss? 

Well, just as the genitals are full of millions of ultra-sensitive nerve endings, so is the mouth and lips. When one mouth touches another, millions of signals hit the brain at once and start getting processed. The message is usually clear; “Release the Oxytocin!” Oxytocin is a feel-good, natural hormone that acts like a love opiate on the body. This hormone is released with several others together into the blood stream and a sense of euphoria follows. Kissing starts the trickle, and orgasm brings on the flood! Yes, yes!

However, more than just a good kiss is required by women to feel the level of bonding that men experience with just a kiss. Strangely enough, the U of Albany study showed that the level of Oxytocin rose in men during a kiss while it lessened in women. Kind of explains why men don’t often spend as much time in foreplay with women. They’re already there! They don’t realize that a woman’s sexual chemistry cocktail needs more stimulation. “Excuse me; I could use another refill here!”

Kissing evolved with courtship which, in turn, evolved the kissing. More and more, women began demanding kissing as part of lovemaking. In modern times, women won’t have sex without it, while some men have expressed they could have sex sans kissing. It’s a compromise. Women want kissing, and men want sex. Consider it a fair-market exchange. Women and even many men now place great importance and significance on the kiss.

I remember having a conversation with my best friend about how it would feel to kiss the man of my dreams. She said you would feel as if you have drunk litres of Red Bull, because his kiss will give you wings. Although, the idea sounds totally wicked (in a good way) i didn’t want wings, not really. All i want to hear while i kiss the man is bells and state of the art firecrackers and a foot pop, like they did in the good old days. Yes, i am old school, but then i like surprises and most of us women always wish that men surprise us always, if only they were more creative.

But still, it all starts with a kiss, a GOOD kiss, because no other kind will do. So the next time you grab your lover by the ears and plant one on him or her, think of all the wonder and magic that happens within the body the moment that you’re oh so sensitive lips meet. Okay, don’t think about it then. Maybe later. Much, much later!
 

A series of post will follow on this topic educating you of the pros and cons. First timers, take notes...!

For the rest. Happy Kissing.

Man, my BFF

Just because I am a feminist in many ways doesn’t mean I have no male friends. In fact some of my best buds are of the opposite sex. I have always been a keen admire of ‘man’ because I strongly believe that they are more confused in life than us women. I initially planned on writing this post picking out my best male friends but I can’t do that I would clearly offend so many. And you know how men are they get carried away so easy...Oi, I am not your friend or what?’ So instead I have decided to analysis the quote of Oscar Wilde who famously said ‘‘Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.’’


Seriously, no friendship? I know there would be a clear cut majority who would say, Aye, Oscar Wilde is spot on and the other half who would argue otherwise. And there are some fence-sitters, like me, who would say well there could be exceptions about certain male friends. I mean, it would be quite weird if you kissed your best friend, wouldn’t it? Unless you were drunk, of course. But there’s nothing wrong if your 4am friend is a male.

Men are a creation of God that women loathe and the reasons for it are endless and repeating it here is useless so I am just going to jump the gun and get on with it, ok! I know of a good friend who is in a relationship with a girl he met during his college days and they have been seeing each other since. But he and I have been friend’s way before the ‘girl’ came into his life. She is easily irritated if I am around, feeling of insecurity, I’d say. But why? Can’t you see that he loves you; he gets roses for you, makes dinner reservations for you, and spends his money shopping for you. Don’t get me started about Valentine’s Day..! I see no harm in a male-female bonding as ‘FRIENDS’ as long as everybody’s on the same page, opposite sex friends can be fantastic for a couple.

If a boyfriend/husband/partner play tennis, have a drink, watch a movie or play ping-pong on weekends or any other day of the week, he need not be a candidate for incipient infidelity. Only those who suspect that every friendship between a man and woman has sexual intercourse as its natural goal will label every friendship as adultery of intent. The line between tolerable friendships can be recognised not by rules but by imaginative discernment.

I can hear my female friends waiting to kill me half way through the post...but hang on ladies, I am not glorifying affairs, and one night stands et all. All I am saying is that an unadulterated friendship can exist between a man and a woman. Clearly, there are those who take advantage but it is up to us women too, to be smart, astute and clear in the head that ‘This MAN is NOT for ME. Nothing but a Friend’ and if you can’t separate the emotion of you falling for your male friends just don’t put up the whole ‘Oh, I can’t have him so I’ll stay friends with him....’ Bollocks, I say! You either get what you want or you just move. Giving him the tag of ‘friend’ is doing no good to you. Find yourself a man who wants you too and will contribute the same energy into making something work. And you know how men are they need to be told and taught everything. Twats!

But then if you have to remain friends remember to play it smart, very smart. I haven’t cracked the code but read on this could be helpful. Not to be preachy but we woman get excited too easily and then end up with someone who can’t be exciting anymore not only in bed but the whole relation just fades out. We are afraid to use the three magic words; no it not ‘Please fuck me’ but ‘Thank You, Please and Sorry’. Both men and woman need to learn to recover their ways of doing things that keeps the excitement going. The recovery of errors is also a recovery of play an important dimension of friendship. The recovery of play is an invitation to friendship. Playfulness means the devaluation of control. Play involves the capacity to trust and to surrender to the moment. So also with friendship. Friendship has no achievement agenda, no task orientation. Of course, friends often do things together. They embark on common task and tackle common agendas. They stand side by side facing something to be done.

A man’s heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant. And in these vacant rooms, the man treasures his other ‘best’ ‘female’ ‘friend(s)’ who give him the space to let him be him, listen to him, question him, laugh at jokes, play silly mind games and just have a good old time. Is this a crime? Oscar Wilde would say Yes, tons of women who don’t like their boyfriends talking to other women would say yes; Women who are insecure would scream and even send a death threat along with hating. But, pause... and reflect.

Men are easily fooled, no matter how smart otherwise. But true friendship with a man isn’t always with both of them ending in bed; well they could sit on it and talk or play Uno! And it’s for the woman in his heart to realise; it’s time to play Uno, No. But to accept that there is always that one person he has to talk to and feel content, there is always that one person who gives him a knock on the head and says Come on now don’t be a twat.!, there is always that person who stands beside him like a rock in case you can’t put up with his nonsense. Men marry their Barbie Dolls and even though these Dolls are perfect with everything on the checklist, it isn’t enough..!

Hence, the friendship between a man a woman is often letting go of the need to prove one’s usefulness. It means valuing the presence of each other just for their owns sake. It is enough just to be with. That is playful, and that is gracious. The recovery of errors and its playfulness means the recovery of pleasure. Friendship both depends and thrives on it.

I know that most of my female friends would disagree and say a man has to be faithful and if he has to share something, let him share it with me I am the one who is in a relationship with, isn’t he? Yes, indeed. But always bear in mind we need our mediators to make us ready to get what we want and usually it’s the ‘best friend’ who will make your man ready to face you about things you are not comfortable about.

I am not defending the ‘MAN’ but I am educating the ‘WOMAN’ arise from your slumber and old school thoughts, it’s the new media age, enjoy a little healthy competition and if need be watch and learn. Your man is your man and his best friend is his to keep. And if all live by thinking from the right side of our brain, the world would be a happier place to live. Oscar Wilde, I have no intentions to prove you wrong but then I guess Impossible is nothing and there can be ‘FRIENDSHIP’ between men and women.

To my 3 favourite men in Bombay: Moulin, Sherwin n Rohan be good and play safe. See you lads in England soon ;)

Life is nothing without Friendship.

So then, have you got the feel about my blog? Yes, good. No, oh well, maybe you are slow at getting a hang of things. But don’t give up..!


As I began to look for inspiration to begin this post I watched The Jungle Book. And I wondered what if we all had talking animal pets we could escape too and have a sing and dance routine; wouldn’t that be fun?

We all need to find our happy place, we all need that someone we can just pour out heart and talk, we all need that someone we can trust with all our heart and mind, and we all need someone we can be silly with. And that’s how the idea stuck on for this post, the value and need of real and true Friendship. This is the first of a series of post on FRIENDSHIP. I hope you enjoy it.

I believe there are three types of friends: those like food, without which you can’t live; those like medicine, which you need occasionally; and those like an illness, which you never want. And in life you meet many such characters who maybe your food you can’t do without and they are your favourite energy bar.

There are some of us who find it difficult to trust other people and I for one wouldn’t chatter my way into another person until we’ve gained mutual respect, trust and the bragging rights to laugh on their face. Hence, you built a wall only to see if anyone can break it down for you and the one that does is truly a friend you must treasure.

I’ll be honest and say I never had a “Best Friend” maybe I never felt the need of it because my two younger sisters and my mum have been my sanctuary of help. And I am very exclusive I dislike to have these huge gang of friends; I much rather have friends I can count on my fingers. But life as I know it has always surprised me in a good and not so good way and when you never expect things to happen they just happen anyway mostly putting a smile on your face.

Samyukta Somvanshi, my dear bitch, yes, we have been tight since 2009. But you might say, your friendship is a year old how can you best friends? Well, of course it’s been only a year but we’ve spent that one year together mostly 7 days a week, did exciting things (well if you consider working exciting), went out  eating, drinking, covering press conferences, interviews, lunches, pani-puri,Adam-teasing and a whole lot off girlie things. And we have even followed each other to England, although I don’t mind taking credit that I pushed her towards it. Sam, for me is the food friend, she is a mix of an introvert and extrovert, a total fighter when need be and cool as a cucumber too. A Fencing champion, she gets her traits of a winner automatically, a vivid traveler, she’s been places and as I write this she is probably somewhere is Europe hitchhiking!

Spending Xmas 2009 in London with her was probably the best thing. We went sight-seeing, posh Xmas dinner at a Italian restaurant @ Leicester Square, some more Adam-teasing…yes, she’s bloody good at it. A quality most people might say is cheap and silly. While shopping at Oxford Street we spotted this tall, dark and handsome bloke who had the perfect body, make your heart melt smile and he smelt good as well. Sam said, “let’s walk up and tell him he is good looking that’s what another friend does and its fun, come Natasha abbe chal na…!” I chickened out but I watched her walk up to this hottest lad we’d seen in London and say, “Hi, just wanted to tell you, that you are handsome and you look good.” Obviously the guy was flattered he smiled and said thanks and I started laughing. Sam, teaches me how to be silly and smart since that experience I’ve walked up to 3 men and provided them compliments and I must say men can’t handle compliments all they says is “hey, thanks”. But nonetheless I’ve gotten more confident to get silly and have some fun.

Thank you Sam, I miss you very much. Remember your Euro trip won’t be complete until you don’t pay Newcastle upon Tyne a visit and check out some Geordie blokes. Can’t wait to go mental with you soon…xx

FK, my food friend. I can’t do without her. Period. Our friendship goes back to Sophia days where we were all a bunch of twats, in a nice way though! Frith was possibly on every sport team at college. She’s mental this one, absolutely bonkers, she’ll make you tear your hair off, crazy, crazy woman. Which means this livewire when around will only provide you a lot of fun you could write a thesis about. College was fun; we took Psychology and Sociology classes together, were part of Kaleidoscope (our college festival and annual Adam-teasing event)

We’ve moved on since college, she works as a head of region operations at a posh Dubai company and we are always in touch. She’s always had these tons of men as options to be with but a level headed woman always picks her options wisely and so does Frith. A vivid traveler as well, she’s been places and we are planning a getaway too (fingers crossed). A lover of French things (see I am not giving details *wink*) she can speak reasonable French. Great with advice and somehow we are always in the same boat where life is concerned. I have hence strongly started believing in the 6 Degree Separation Theory. Merci d'être une telle personne charmante. Merci pour la force que vous me donnez. Je vous remercie, permet maintenant aller mentale!

Juee Gokhale, she is my food friend too. The friendship goes back to Sophia days. This bubbly girl who is so good at what she does, literally! Except for her handwriting though, sorry Juee I couldn’t resist but make fun of it. But another woman who is strong and has a head that functions like a HR person, well that’s because she is one! Currently in Manchester, a city I love for more than football reasons. A weekend visit to her place was much needed to get my head sorted about life issues she makes you think and provides you advice which is simple as “No point running around the bush”. Thank you Juee, you’ve helped me burn the bush and plant a new seed.

Don’t you have any medicine friends Natasha? Yes, I do. But I really don’t want to make a mention of them. Because although we meet once in a blue moon and bond which is good, I don’t classify that as friendship it’s more like an event you look forward to and enjoy. End off. But I stay in touch with them, Facebook helps! Drop a line always to your medicine friends; at least you know they are doing fine.

Do you have any illness friends Natasha? Hell yeah I do! And man they are a pain in such places I cannot mention in public.

So then to wrap it up for me truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. I’ve got to know another great friend of whom I will not make a mention in this post. Because he is a character like no other and I feel blessed to have access to his wacky yet beautiful mind which functions at the highest level of weirdness and honesty. And, if you are reading this, you know I love you dearly and I have labeled you as my food friend (No Sushi, please!*wink*).

Once a Bombayite. Always a Bombayite

Bombay (to me, it shall always remain so), the city of a million (if not more) dreams. Bombay, the city of a million screams. Bombay, the city of a million promises. Bombay, the city of a million broken dreams.

Bombay is found on the west coast of India on the coast with the Arabian Sea/ Indian Ocean. It is the biggest city of India with 17,6 million inhabitants (including suburbs) it is also the second largest city of the world.

Bombay, the city that never sleeps, is the commercial capital of India. It’s pulsating, alive, always on the move, vibrant, fun and much more. Bombay, symbolizes the spirit of vibrant and changing India. The history goes back to the seventeenth century. Once a cluster of seven islands, Mumbai was presented to King Charles II in 1661 as part of the dowry when he married Princess Catherine de Braganza of Portugal.

Over a period of time Bombay has transformed itself into a city with thriving markets, business houses, and different communities reflecting a cosmopolitan way of life, rarely seen elsewhere. It represents the ever-changing face of today's India- the old coupled with the dynamic and vibrant new, and yet the heart of the city is filled with Indian customs and values.

I was schooled at one of the best, Carmel of St.Joseph and then spent best years of college life at undoubtedly the finest institution in the city, Sophia College. College life is always demanding and filled with the pressure of oneself among friends more than the real purpose of education. But at Sophia’s there was no discrimination on the basis of clothes, hairstyles et al. Plus, Mum had allowed me to wax my legs. So, I was presentable now, if one could ignore the unshaped eyebrows. After graduating in History, I moved to study Journalism. Where? Bombay College of Journalism. Why? I don’t know still. But, I am bloody glad I did. Not because it was sarcastically called “Colombia University of Journalism”, as most of my batch mates feel. But, because I got to know a Bombay that I’d never seen, heard of or, read about.

During my Post-Grad Journalism course I got a chance to work with ESPN as a trainee reporter and travelled the city to cover stories and each time even though I lived in the same city I felt the energy level rise. Covering each assignment was different; everyday was a new story to tell. And as a journalist, one travels and meets people from every walk of life, the true beauty of the profession. I, too, was learning about the city in the process of work.

I met addicts for the first time. Some were addicted to the high life, some to their work, a lot of them were hooked onto marijuana, but, most of them were high on one common thing- chasing a dream. And, not one dream, mind you. Dreams. Lots of them. Everybody worth his salt craves instant glory. I don’t blame them. It’s the city. Bombay is the culprit. 

Bombay is a silent killer. It kills innocence, it smothers emotions, it flushes out romance, it murders mediocrity, and buries lakhs of dreams. To survive Bombay, one needs more than just a house and money. To combat a killer, one needs to be a killer. At least, be able to fight like one. Bombay is like a giant tidal wave. If you let it ride you over, you’ll drown. You must know, or learn how to ride it. Enough of literature has been devoted to Bombay and its charms. A lot has been written about what lies beneath that glamorous façade. Yet, we fall prey to it. And, once you’re here you cannot go back the same person. You either stand your ground, and battle it out or, you go back a battered, beaten soul. The choice is yours, though it isn’t an easy one.

Moving to England and living in the Queen’s land is beautiful I’ve met tons of people from all over the world at University. But home is home and Bombay remains a city that has its charm despite sheltering Asia’s largest slum which won accolades for the movie ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ to the world’s most expensive estate, Malabar Hill.

Bombay has also been a target for terrorist and natural calamities. Despite every obstacle the city and its citizens have shown their resilience, we are fighters, it comes naturally to us. People from other cities of the country cannot fathom this attitude, its exclusive to the people of Bombay. You have to fight, you have to fall, you have to rise, you have to move on, you have to dream, you have to achieve, and you simply have to just do it all..! And if you can’t keep up with the energy of Bombay, she offers you a comeback always. The beautiful seaside will help you cool off the heat, the fancy malls will provide you incredible sale and if you are not the type who feels irritated by crowds take a ride into the local trains.

As I conclude this post, I think of a dear friend who is determined to make a cut into Bombay and he is European. A strong willed and a go getter who thinks he can ‘adapt’ and ‘survive’ Bombay. I have issued warnings about what he could expect on his arrival. He feels he is ready and I will lend my supports but that’s all I can offer and maybe a chilled sugarcane juice. The rest would be his cross to bear to survive Bombay. I hope my dear friend can experience and live the Bombay Dream. Like many who share the same vision but a few survive it, I hope my friend would too.

Dreams are made here, dreams are broken but most importantly you learn to fight. And, there are no antibiotics or, vaccine to kill it. Just our minds and souls to tame it..