Man, my BFF

Just because I am a feminist in many ways doesn’t mean I have no male friends. In fact some of my best buds are of the opposite sex. I have always been a keen admire of ‘man’ because I strongly believe that they are more confused in life than us women. I initially planned on writing this post picking out my best male friends but I can’t do that I would clearly offend so many. And you know how men are they get carried away so easy...Oi, I am not your friend or what?’ So instead I have decided to analysis the quote of Oscar Wilde who famously said ‘‘Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.’’


Seriously, no friendship? I know there would be a clear cut majority who would say, Aye, Oscar Wilde is spot on and the other half who would argue otherwise. And there are some fence-sitters, like me, who would say well there could be exceptions about certain male friends. I mean, it would be quite weird if you kissed your best friend, wouldn’t it? Unless you were drunk, of course. But there’s nothing wrong if your 4am friend is a male.

Men are a creation of God that women loathe and the reasons for it are endless and repeating it here is useless so I am just going to jump the gun and get on with it, ok! I know of a good friend who is in a relationship with a girl he met during his college days and they have been seeing each other since. But he and I have been friend’s way before the ‘girl’ came into his life. She is easily irritated if I am around, feeling of insecurity, I’d say. But why? Can’t you see that he loves you; he gets roses for you, makes dinner reservations for you, and spends his money shopping for you. Don’t get me started about Valentine’s Day..! I see no harm in a male-female bonding as ‘FRIENDS’ as long as everybody’s on the same page, opposite sex friends can be fantastic for a couple.

If a boyfriend/husband/partner play tennis, have a drink, watch a movie or play ping-pong on weekends or any other day of the week, he need not be a candidate for incipient infidelity. Only those who suspect that every friendship between a man and woman has sexual intercourse as its natural goal will label every friendship as adultery of intent. The line between tolerable friendships can be recognised not by rules but by imaginative discernment.

I can hear my female friends waiting to kill me half way through the post...but hang on ladies, I am not glorifying affairs, and one night stands et all. All I am saying is that an unadulterated friendship can exist between a man and a woman. Clearly, there are those who take advantage but it is up to us women too, to be smart, astute and clear in the head that ‘This MAN is NOT for ME. Nothing but a Friend’ and if you can’t separate the emotion of you falling for your male friends just don’t put up the whole ‘Oh, I can’t have him so I’ll stay friends with him....’ Bollocks, I say! You either get what you want or you just move. Giving him the tag of ‘friend’ is doing no good to you. Find yourself a man who wants you too and will contribute the same energy into making something work. And you know how men are they need to be told and taught everything. Twats!

But then if you have to remain friends remember to play it smart, very smart. I haven’t cracked the code but read on this could be helpful. Not to be preachy but we woman get excited too easily and then end up with someone who can’t be exciting anymore not only in bed but the whole relation just fades out. We are afraid to use the three magic words; no it not ‘Please fuck me’ but ‘Thank You, Please and Sorry’. Both men and woman need to learn to recover their ways of doing things that keeps the excitement going. The recovery of errors is also a recovery of play an important dimension of friendship. The recovery of play is an invitation to friendship. Playfulness means the devaluation of control. Play involves the capacity to trust and to surrender to the moment. So also with friendship. Friendship has no achievement agenda, no task orientation. Of course, friends often do things together. They embark on common task and tackle common agendas. They stand side by side facing something to be done.

A man’s heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant. And in these vacant rooms, the man treasures his other ‘best’ ‘female’ ‘friend(s)’ who give him the space to let him be him, listen to him, question him, laugh at jokes, play silly mind games and just have a good old time. Is this a crime? Oscar Wilde would say Yes, tons of women who don’t like their boyfriends talking to other women would say yes; Women who are insecure would scream and even send a death threat along with hating. But, pause... and reflect.

Men are easily fooled, no matter how smart otherwise. But true friendship with a man isn’t always with both of them ending in bed; well they could sit on it and talk or play Uno! And it’s for the woman in his heart to realise; it’s time to play Uno, No. But to accept that there is always that one person he has to talk to and feel content, there is always that one person who gives him a knock on the head and says Come on now don’t be a twat.!, there is always that person who stands beside him like a rock in case you can’t put up with his nonsense. Men marry their Barbie Dolls and even though these Dolls are perfect with everything on the checklist, it isn’t enough..!

Hence, the friendship between a man a woman is often letting go of the need to prove one’s usefulness. It means valuing the presence of each other just for their owns sake. It is enough just to be with. That is playful, and that is gracious. The recovery of errors and its playfulness means the recovery of pleasure. Friendship both depends and thrives on it.

I know that most of my female friends would disagree and say a man has to be faithful and if he has to share something, let him share it with me I am the one who is in a relationship with, isn’t he? Yes, indeed. But always bear in mind we need our mediators to make us ready to get what we want and usually it’s the ‘best friend’ who will make your man ready to face you about things you are not comfortable about.

I am not defending the ‘MAN’ but I am educating the ‘WOMAN’ arise from your slumber and old school thoughts, it’s the new media age, enjoy a little healthy competition and if need be watch and learn. Your man is your man and his best friend is his to keep. And if all live by thinking from the right side of our brain, the world would be a happier place to live. Oscar Wilde, I have no intentions to prove you wrong but then I guess Impossible is nothing and there can be ‘FRIENDSHIP’ between men and women.

To my 3 favourite men in Bombay: Moulin, Sherwin n Rohan be good and play safe. See you lads in England soon ;)

Life is nothing without Friendship.

So then, have you got the feel about my blog? Yes, good. No, oh well, maybe you are slow at getting a hang of things. But don’t give up..!


As I began to look for inspiration to begin this post I watched The Jungle Book. And I wondered what if we all had talking animal pets we could escape too and have a sing and dance routine; wouldn’t that be fun?

We all need to find our happy place, we all need that someone we can just pour out heart and talk, we all need that someone we can trust with all our heart and mind, and we all need someone we can be silly with. And that’s how the idea stuck on for this post, the value and need of real and true Friendship. This is the first of a series of post on FRIENDSHIP. I hope you enjoy it.

I believe there are three types of friends: those like food, without which you can’t live; those like medicine, which you need occasionally; and those like an illness, which you never want. And in life you meet many such characters who maybe your food you can’t do without and they are your favourite energy bar.

There are some of us who find it difficult to trust other people and I for one wouldn’t chatter my way into another person until we’ve gained mutual respect, trust and the bragging rights to laugh on their face. Hence, you built a wall only to see if anyone can break it down for you and the one that does is truly a friend you must treasure.

I’ll be honest and say I never had a “Best Friend” maybe I never felt the need of it because my two younger sisters and my mum have been my sanctuary of help. And I am very exclusive I dislike to have these huge gang of friends; I much rather have friends I can count on my fingers. But life as I know it has always surprised me in a good and not so good way and when you never expect things to happen they just happen anyway mostly putting a smile on your face.

Samyukta Somvanshi, my dear bitch, yes, we have been tight since 2009. But you might say, your friendship is a year old how can you best friends? Well, of course it’s been only a year but we’ve spent that one year together mostly 7 days a week, did exciting things (well if you consider working exciting), went out  eating, drinking, covering press conferences, interviews, lunches, pani-puri,Adam-teasing and a whole lot off girlie things. And we have even followed each other to England, although I don’t mind taking credit that I pushed her towards it. Sam, for me is the food friend, she is a mix of an introvert and extrovert, a total fighter when need be and cool as a cucumber too. A Fencing champion, she gets her traits of a winner automatically, a vivid traveler, she’s been places and as I write this she is probably somewhere is Europe hitchhiking!

Spending Xmas 2009 in London with her was probably the best thing. We went sight-seeing, posh Xmas dinner at a Italian restaurant @ Leicester Square, some more Adam-teasing…yes, she’s bloody good at it. A quality most people might say is cheap and silly. While shopping at Oxford Street we spotted this tall, dark and handsome bloke who had the perfect body, make your heart melt smile and he smelt good as well. Sam said, “let’s walk up and tell him he is good looking that’s what another friend does and its fun, come Natasha abbe chal na…!” I chickened out but I watched her walk up to this hottest lad we’d seen in London and say, “Hi, just wanted to tell you, that you are handsome and you look good.” Obviously the guy was flattered he smiled and said thanks and I started laughing. Sam, teaches me how to be silly and smart since that experience I’ve walked up to 3 men and provided them compliments and I must say men can’t handle compliments all they says is “hey, thanks”. But nonetheless I’ve gotten more confident to get silly and have some fun.

Thank you Sam, I miss you very much. Remember your Euro trip won’t be complete until you don’t pay Newcastle upon Tyne a visit and check out some Geordie blokes. Can’t wait to go mental with you soon…xx

FK, my food friend. I can’t do without her. Period. Our friendship goes back to Sophia days where we were all a bunch of twats, in a nice way though! Frith was possibly on every sport team at college. She’s mental this one, absolutely bonkers, she’ll make you tear your hair off, crazy, crazy woman. Which means this livewire when around will only provide you a lot of fun you could write a thesis about. College was fun; we took Psychology and Sociology classes together, were part of Kaleidoscope (our college festival and annual Adam-teasing event)

We’ve moved on since college, she works as a head of region operations at a posh Dubai company and we are always in touch. She’s always had these tons of men as options to be with but a level headed woman always picks her options wisely and so does Frith. A vivid traveler as well, she’s been places and we are planning a getaway too (fingers crossed). A lover of French things (see I am not giving details *wink*) she can speak reasonable French. Great with advice and somehow we are always in the same boat where life is concerned. I have hence strongly started believing in the 6 Degree Separation Theory. Merci d'être une telle personne charmante. Merci pour la force que vous me donnez. Je vous remercie, permet maintenant aller mentale!

Juee Gokhale, she is my food friend too. The friendship goes back to Sophia days. This bubbly girl who is so good at what she does, literally! Except for her handwriting though, sorry Juee I couldn’t resist but make fun of it. But another woman who is strong and has a head that functions like a HR person, well that’s because she is one! Currently in Manchester, a city I love for more than football reasons. A weekend visit to her place was much needed to get my head sorted about life issues she makes you think and provides you advice which is simple as “No point running around the bush”. Thank you Juee, you’ve helped me burn the bush and plant a new seed.

Don’t you have any medicine friends Natasha? Yes, I do. But I really don’t want to make a mention of them. Because although we meet once in a blue moon and bond which is good, I don’t classify that as friendship it’s more like an event you look forward to and enjoy. End off. But I stay in touch with them, Facebook helps! Drop a line always to your medicine friends; at least you know they are doing fine.

Do you have any illness friends Natasha? Hell yeah I do! And man they are a pain in such places I cannot mention in public.

So then to wrap it up for me truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. I’ve got to know another great friend of whom I will not make a mention in this post. Because he is a character like no other and I feel blessed to have access to his wacky yet beautiful mind which functions at the highest level of weirdness and honesty. And, if you are reading this, you know I love you dearly and I have labeled you as my food friend (No Sushi, please!*wink*).

Once a Bombayite. Always a Bombayite

Bombay (to me, it shall always remain so), the city of a million (if not more) dreams. Bombay, the city of a million screams. Bombay, the city of a million promises. Bombay, the city of a million broken dreams.

Bombay is found on the west coast of India on the coast with the Arabian Sea/ Indian Ocean. It is the biggest city of India with 17,6 million inhabitants (including suburbs) it is also the second largest city of the world.

Bombay, the city that never sleeps, is the commercial capital of India. It’s pulsating, alive, always on the move, vibrant, fun and much more. Bombay, symbolizes the spirit of vibrant and changing India. The history goes back to the seventeenth century. Once a cluster of seven islands, Mumbai was presented to King Charles II in 1661 as part of the dowry when he married Princess Catherine de Braganza of Portugal.

Over a period of time Bombay has transformed itself into a city with thriving markets, business houses, and different communities reflecting a cosmopolitan way of life, rarely seen elsewhere. It represents the ever-changing face of today's India- the old coupled with the dynamic and vibrant new, and yet the heart of the city is filled with Indian customs and values.

I was schooled at one of the best, Carmel of St.Joseph and then spent best years of college life at undoubtedly the finest institution in the city, Sophia College. College life is always demanding and filled with the pressure of oneself among friends more than the real purpose of education. But at Sophia’s there was no discrimination on the basis of clothes, hairstyles et al. Plus, Mum had allowed me to wax my legs. So, I was presentable now, if one could ignore the unshaped eyebrows. After graduating in History, I moved to study Journalism. Where? Bombay College of Journalism. Why? I don’t know still. But, I am bloody glad I did. Not because it was sarcastically called “Colombia University of Journalism”, as most of my batch mates feel. But, because I got to know a Bombay that I’d never seen, heard of or, read about.

During my Post-Grad Journalism course I got a chance to work with ESPN as a trainee reporter and travelled the city to cover stories and each time even though I lived in the same city I felt the energy level rise. Covering each assignment was different; everyday was a new story to tell. And as a journalist, one travels and meets people from every walk of life, the true beauty of the profession. I, too, was learning about the city in the process of work.

I met addicts for the first time. Some were addicted to the high life, some to their work, a lot of them were hooked onto marijuana, but, most of them were high on one common thing- chasing a dream. And, not one dream, mind you. Dreams. Lots of them. Everybody worth his salt craves instant glory. I don’t blame them. It’s the city. Bombay is the culprit. 

Bombay is a silent killer. It kills innocence, it smothers emotions, it flushes out romance, it murders mediocrity, and buries lakhs of dreams. To survive Bombay, one needs more than just a house and money. To combat a killer, one needs to be a killer. At least, be able to fight like one. Bombay is like a giant tidal wave. If you let it ride you over, you’ll drown. You must know, or learn how to ride it. Enough of literature has been devoted to Bombay and its charms. A lot has been written about what lies beneath that glamorous façade. Yet, we fall prey to it. And, once you’re here you cannot go back the same person. You either stand your ground, and battle it out or, you go back a battered, beaten soul. The choice is yours, though it isn’t an easy one.

Moving to England and living in the Queen’s land is beautiful I’ve met tons of people from all over the world at University. But home is home and Bombay remains a city that has its charm despite sheltering Asia’s largest slum which won accolades for the movie ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ to the world’s most expensive estate, Malabar Hill.

Bombay has also been a target for terrorist and natural calamities. Despite every obstacle the city and its citizens have shown their resilience, we are fighters, it comes naturally to us. People from other cities of the country cannot fathom this attitude, its exclusive to the people of Bombay. You have to fight, you have to fall, you have to rise, you have to move on, you have to dream, you have to achieve, and you simply have to just do it all..! And if you can’t keep up with the energy of Bombay, she offers you a comeback always. The beautiful seaside will help you cool off the heat, the fancy malls will provide you incredible sale and if you are not the type who feels irritated by crowds take a ride into the local trains.

As I conclude this post, I think of a dear friend who is determined to make a cut into Bombay and he is European. A strong willed and a go getter who thinks he can ‘adapt’ and ‘survive’ Bombay. I have issued warnings about what he could expect on his arrival. He feels he is ready and I will lend my supports but that’s all I can offer and maybe a chilled sugarcane juice. The rest would be his cross to bear to survive Bombay. I hope my dear friend can experience and live the Bombay Dream. Like many who share the same vision but a few survive it, I hope my friend would too.

Dreams are made here, dreams are broken but most importantly you learn to fight. And, there are no antibiotics or, vaccine to kill it. Just our minds and souls to tame it..  

Sorry for the GAP.

Yes, its taken donkey’s years (although not that long) to realize that I have a blogging id. I use to be a vivid writer. Time has moved and things have changed, Life as I know it isn’t the same anymore.

My last post was about me being in pain and having an experience that very few at the age of 23 would have; yes I did hand in my papers and gave up my job (details later). My nonappearance doesn’t mean I longer have anything to write or say or that I have stopped thinking. I’ve just had too much to handle and time has been a bitch to me or maybe I have been a little lazy too.
I have moved on with life after its teaching in the most bittersweet way but it has made me stronger than before, a better believer in myself and I feel confident about life. The life changing episodes of one’s time on earth makes one stronger, shaper and better and only the strong hearts and minds survive life’s cruel jokes.

So, I am now in persuasion of my second Masters in Media Studies at Newcastle University, yes I have shifted base. I am in England, in the Queen’s country. It was always a dream to come here and I have achieved it, there you go an achievement after a bittersweet episode. Life doesn’t end when you fall; it’s a chance to do it again better. And so far it’s all going well.
Hopefully you’ve understood why I have been non-existence. I promise to write and boy it’s going to be fab…! Look out here for more…! Let the blogging begin.